I'm just wondering....

Why I cry so much and whether I always have. Today we had a meeting at work, the whole division were there (well about 40 of us I'd guess). We were being told the plan for the division, and obviously as all change does it caused concerns, which obviously as is always the case, the bosses couldn't give answers too. Now most peopel would have just sat back and thought "Fuck, that doesn't sound too great, but there is nowt I can do about it so I'll draw a tree/ a house/ a dog/ some stars and squiggles". Not me though....oh no!

I got all worked up thinking about the implications if I lose my job...Apparently there are 8 jobs to go, the bosses can't say who or when or how they will come to that decision (obviously!). So trying not to get stressed and yet wanting to ask questions in a room full of angry people, while not aiming to make myself look dense/like I was not listening. I found myself in a position where I was just getting more and more wound up. Boss man never answered a question directly, and was getting steadily more irritated, the whole room were shocked and unsurprisingly curious and hence were also becoming more and more wound up. I finally put my hand up to ask a question and waited, but then.....from nowhere...well not from nowhere...from all the tension in the room and in me I felt tears coming. So I dragged them back as best I could but, there was no stopping them, next thing I know I am still struggling to stop the tears which invitably lead to a bit of panic breathing. Which ended in me leaving the room mid meeting....oh and I wasn't sat in an aisle seat so clearly I had to walk along the whole row, whilst trying to avert my eyes from everyone so they couldn't see the floods of tears. I cried for about half an hour in total.

Now I have had a big week and this was quite a lot to deal with, but I am not the only one who is going through a rough patch. No-one else cried...so why did I? I left the office without spekaing to anyone, except my friend who I asked to bring my bag to the garden so I could leave. Now I have to go into the office tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward to it. I should have never gone to the meeting in the first place it was obviously going to be stressful.

Have a look at this!!

Here in all it's glory is the first five minutes of:

The League Of Gentlemens Apocalypse

I can't wait!!!

It's not that I didn't remember....

I just didn't have a computer. My mam's operation went fine, when she finally got in at about 5pm ish. She is recovering really well, and the lymph node tests come back tomorrow. Then we will know how much radiotherapy and chemo she will need. Hopefully not much. If I understand correctly she will only need one dose of chemo, and them about 3 weeks worth of radio. Depending of course on the results of the test tomorrow. But I am really positive that it won't have spread and the she has caught it early. So I'm guessing that will be right.

So again no computer

This time it is not my fault though. Apparently the memory card is knackered and so we have to decide whether to get a new one or a new everything. Andrew wants a DVD writer. I want a TFT monitor. Although we are supposed to be economising at the moment....hmmm.

Anyway it is my mam's operation today and so I am at their house and so have been able to check my emails and post post's etc.

Right, That's all for now. I have hoovering (vacuuming is so American) and hospital visiting and clothes folding to do.

Oh no one last thing.... people are bad drivers. I have nearly been run off the road twice today. Firstly, I drove out of the opposite end of my street and was driving up towards the main road, a car swang round in the opening at my end of the street to pick someone up. He then pulled straight out in front of me without lokoing, causing me to have to really slam the breaks on, emergency stop style. I then beeped my horn for an extended period on time, and gave an evil stare although to be honest he didn't look in his mirror the whole of the time I was following him, frigging knob.

THEN, at about 11 I went back to my house to pick up, my dad's monitor and my hoover (Dyson actually, I'm not saying vacuum cleaner or Dyson though). Anyway on the way back a lorry flew out at the roundabout near School Aycliffe, I thought "Jesus! There is no way he ahd chance to look there" So assumed he was a crap driver and remained a reasonable distance behind him....which was really lucky, because on the way down the road the lorry flipped the covers off a double manhole cover right in front of me. Thank God (or whoever I need to) there was nothing coming the other way, because I had to swerve onto the other side of the road to save either falling into it or being whacked by the flying cover. I have no idea whatsoever what I would have done if there had have been a car on the opposite side of the road..... We were very very lucky.

My mam's operation is not until this afternoon, I'll keep you posted if I remember.

Can You Believe This??

I had to bring this story to your attention that was mentioned on this weeks Now Show.....By the way if you don't already listen to The Now Show I can highly recommend it:

This week a film about gay men was refused permission to use the song "YMCA" in it's soundtrack as The Village People didn't want it to be associated with homosexuality!!

Can anyone else hear a stable door being bolted?

Decisions Decisions

Well tomorrow is polling day here in Blighty and as a resident of the Sedgefield constituency One of my options is to vote for our fearless leader...the Blair.

However amongst the air drop of election guff this morning was a leaflet from one of our Independent Candidates that filled me with such joy that I may just go and waste my vote tommorrow. And fantastically she has a website so you too can take heart that someone in this country is coming up with new ideas to put the "barmy" back into Britian...For example her solution to falling fish stocks is to make fishing harder. Make them use a rod to catch one fish at a time instead of huge nets. Now correct me if I'm wrong but that is Genius!!!.....Ladies and Gentlemen I present Berony Abraham.

On second thoughts, if it is Blair or Dracula I think I'll vote Labour!!