I'm just wondering....

Why I cry so much and whether I always have. Today we had a meeting at work, the whole division were there (well about 40 of us I'd guess). We were being told the plan for the division, and obviously as all change does it caused concerns, which obviously as is always the case, the bosses couldn't give answers too. Now most peopel would have just sat back and thought "Fuck, that doesn't sound too great, but there is nowt I can do about it so I'll draw a tree/ a house/ a dog/ some stars and squiggles". Not me though....oh no!

I got all worked up thinking about the implications if I lose my job...Apparently there are 8 jobs to go, the bosses can't say who or when or how they will come to that decision (obviously!). So trying not to get stressed and yet wanting to ask questions in a room full of angry people, while not aiming to make myself look dense/like I was not listening. I found myself in a position where I was just getting more and more wound up. Boss man never answered a question directly, and was getting steadily more irritated, the whole room were shocked and unsurprisingly curious and hence were also becoming more and more wound up. I finally put my hand up to ask a question and waited, but then.....from nowhere...well not from nowhere...from all the tension in the room and in me I felt tears coming. So I dragged them back as best I could but, there was no stopping them, next thing I know I am still struggling to stop the tears which invitably lead to a bit of panic breathing. Which ended in me leaving the room mid meeting....oh and I wasn't sat in an aisle seat so clearly I had to walk along the whole row, whilst trying to avert my eyes from everyone so they couldn't see the floods of tears. I cried for about half an hour in total.

Now I have had a big week and this was quite a lot to deal with, but I am not the only one who is going through a rough patch. No-one else cried...so why did I? I left the office without spekaing to anyone, except my friend who I asked to bring my bag to the garden so I could leave. Now I have to go into the office tomorrow and I'm really not looking forward to it. I should have never gone to the meeting in the first place it was obviously going to be stressful.